Boundaries, Identification, and Alienation

After reading Doğan Cüceloğlu’s powerful book Savaşçı (The Warrior), I found myself reflecting deeply on one particular paragraph, and that reflection eventually turned into this article.

In it, I explore how the concepts of psychological boundaries, identity, and alienation intersect with intercultural differences, drawing from real-life examples in the Netherlands and Turkey.

If this topic speaks to you, let’s dive in.

The Interplay of Three Core Concepts

Frederick Perls, founder of Gestalt therapy, highlights the psychological importance of boundaries between the self and the environment.

According to Perls, the first boundaries we become aware of are physical—our skin separates what belongs to us from what exists outside. Later in life, we begin to distinguish between what is psychologically ours and what isn’t. This is where the concepts of identification and alienation become crucial.

The answers we give to questions like “Who am I?” form our sense of identity. These answers help us recognize and embrace our own needs and emotions. In doing so, we establish boundaries.

Boundaries act like a mental coverage zone: What belongs within my world? What stays outside? We tend to see what’s inside our boundaries as familiar and safe -our "friends, loved ones, and community." What’s outside? We often ignore or disregard.

Boundaries, however, should neither be too narrow nor too wide. If they are, our sense of identity can become distorted—we may lose ourselves by over-identifying with others, or become isolated by completely closing off. Perls argues that real satisfaction and a healthy sense of self come from navigating between these extremes with conscious awareness.

Balancing Cultural Differences

This theoretical perspective is reflected clearly in our everyday intercultural experiences. In modern societies, the tension between being an individual and belonging is something many of us face—especially when trying to strike that balance in a foreign culture.

In individualistic cultures like the Netherlands, boundaries are drawn sharply. People respect each other's space and avoid interfering in private lives. Being self-reliant and independent is both a personal pride and a societal norm. While this supports autonomy and freedom, it can also lead to superficial relationships.

Back in Turkey, I was used to spontaneous neighbor visits—people would drop by for tea unannounced. In the Netherlands, most neighborly interactions don't go beyond a friendly greeting. Scheduling coffee often takes weeks.

Forming new friendships can also be a challenge. Long-established social circles rarely open up easily. And when you're unable to enter these boundaries, the risk of feeling alienated increases—not just from the culture, but from yourself.

This doesn't apply only to immigrants. Even Dutch citizens who’ve lived abroad often struggle to reintegrate. Once their own boundaries have expanded, it’s difficult to fit back into the old molds—or to find others willing to meet them halfway.

In a society where everyone retreats to their own island, it’s easy to feel like a foreign boat navigating between isolated shores.

Seeking Balance & Integration

While trying to find my balance abroad, I realized I was caught between the values I identified with and those of the new society. If I clung too tightly to my native culture, I remained an outsider. If I fully adapted, I began to lose my essence.

This is where Perls’ concept of boundary-drawing came to life for me. We are constantly re-evaluating which values to let in and which to leave out. That ongoing assessment is key to maintaining both satisfaction and self-coherence.

It All Starts with Awareness

The first step to expanding boundaries is becoming aware of them. But in cultures where boundaries are built automatically and remain unexamined, this awareness doesn't always develop.

A Dutch acquaintance once told me how traveling to Africa had broadened his perspective. But as the conversation went on, he shared that he enjoyed surfing there and received more likes on dating apps due to his physical differences. The physical distance between the Netherlands and Africa was large—but the emotional and cognitive distance? Much less so.

Identification, we said, is about how we answer the question: Who am I? In this case, I sensed that the ‘distance’ gained wasn’t about deep understanding—but about satisfying individual lifestyle or material needs elsewhere. Viewing “the Other” as a tool for self-satisfaction may not only alienate others—but ourselves as well.

... 1. BÖLÜMÜN SONU

Why Does This Matter to Me?

Years ago, I wrote a master’s thesis on social inclusion—long before diversity and inclusion became corporate buzzwords.

Today, as a migrant working across cultures in the Netherlands, I constantly witness talented individuals who can’t express their full potential because of invisible norms and the alienation they cause.

At the same time, I see local Dutch professionals struggle with their own identities, sometimes unknowingly affected by those very same norms.

With this article, I’ve tried to synthesize these dual perspectives from both personal and professional angles.

This is just the beginning. Part 2 is coming soon.

I’d love to connect with others who resonate with these themes.

Staying connected in a world of growing mobility has never been more valuable.

Inanc Civaz